


Not alone

by CandiceWright



Series: My little merthur stories [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Caring Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode: s02e12 The Fires of Idirsholas, Episode: s02e13 The Last Dragonlord, Guilt, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Pre-Slash, Protective Arthur, Sad Merlin (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-13 01:13:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20165692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandiceWright/pseuds/CandiceWright
Summary: Filled with guilt after poisoning Morgana and freeing the dragon, Merlin has a breakdown. Arthur sees him and his reaction is not what Merlin expected.





	Not alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first Merlin fic that I've ever posted. I'm working on other projects but they are pretty long so I'll probably be writing shorter stories like this one for a while. Hope you like it!

As Gaius left to do his rounds, Merlin felt his mask fall. He had tried to put on a smile for the people that he cared about. But, when he was alone, he couldn’t feel anything but guilt. Ever since he poisoned Morgana and freed the dragon, the boy had been suffering from nightmares. Now, those dreams invaded his waking hours as well. His guilt for the people that had died during Kilgharrah’s attack and the loss of his father felt like a thorn in his heart. But it was the visions of his friend’s face as she realized what Merlin had done that haunted him. _ She was my friend _ he thought. _ She was my friend and I killed her. I hurt her and now she’s gone. I didn’t want to. I had no choice. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Please, forgive me. Sorry. I’m so- _

He fell to the ground. His whole body was trembling and his heart was racing. The tears escaped his eyes and he couldn’t do anything to stop them. He couldn’t breathe anymore. The edges of his vision were blurry and his chest hurt. It was too much. _ Too much_.

“MERLIN!” He heard the familiar voice calling him, but he couldn’t move. He didn’t want to, either. What would Arthur say if he saw him like that? Probably ‘Stop being such a girl Merlin’ or ‘Get up and muck my stables’. He couldn’t deal with that. Not now.

But the door busted open.

“Merlin, are you deaf?!? I’ve been calling you for five minutes! What were you-” Arthur froze when he looked at the curled up figure in the room. For a few moments, he looked unable to figure out what to do. Then he started walking up to Merlin. _ This is it _ the younger boy thought. He tried to hide by putting his head between his knees. _ Maybe if I don’t look at him, he’ll leave me alone_. The footsteps finally reached his side.

Suddenly there was a gentle hand on Merlin’s shoulder.

“Hey, are you alright? What happened?” The tone of voice the Prince was using was one that Merlin hadn’t heard before. He sounded worried. “Can you look at me? Merlin? Please, look at me.”

It was the ‘please’ that made the black-haired boy look up.

“Alright. Now, I need you to tell me what happened.”

“I-I didn’t- I didn’t want to! But y-you were… and I h-had to. I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I’m s-sorry. S-so _ sorry_. I’m-”

“Merlin, breathe. Don’t talk now. Just breathe. Can you do that for me?” Merlin nodded and tried doing just that.

After a few minutes, he finally calmed down. At some point, Arthur had sat down next to his friend and started holding him in an embrace. Merlin noticed how warm and comfortable his arms felt as the exhaustion of his sleepless nights took over him and he drifted to sleep.

When he woke up, the first thing he noticed was that he was no longer on the floor, but on his bed. The second thing was that there was someone sitting next to him. He looked at the figure and recognised the blonde hair and broad shoulders. Then, those blue eyes stared at him and he smiled.

“You’re finally awake.”

“What happened?” He managed to ask, though his throat felt dry.

“When you calmed down you fell asleep so I had to carry you to bed. Gaius said you needed some rest.” Merlin nodded. 

“About what happened earlier-”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you.”

“I don’t know what you could have possibly done that made you feel like that. But, whatever it was, it doesn’t make you a bad person.” The young boy looked at the Prince thinking that he wouldn’t be saying that if he knew what he had done. Arthur must have figured out what he was thinking because he continued speaking. “If there is something I have learnt from being a prince is that sometimes we have to do things that we don’t want to out of duty, obligation or for a greater good. Those choices aren’t always the best and definitely not the easiest, but we have to make them anyways. If you spend the rest of your life thinking about what you could have done better you’ll become bitter. The only thing you can do is to move on. Put those moments behind you and don’t let them define your actions in the future. You are a good person, Merlin. I trust that you did what you thought was best.”

At a loss for words, Merlin just stared at Arthur and he stared back. They spent a few minutes like that, finding comfort in the blue of each other's eyes. Like always, they didn’t need words to convey what they had to say. Merlin didn’t need to say thank you to express his gratitude for those much needed words. And Arthur didn’t need to hear the request to know he had to stay there with his friend for the night. Neither of them had to say anything to make the other understand that they weren’t alone.

They both carried a huge weight on their shoulders. But together, the burden seemed a little lighter.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to let me know what you think in the comments. If you see something that I should improve, tell me! If you have any ideas or requests for a future fic, they'll be welcome. Thanks for reading!


End file.
